amandaedgie's blog

…let me the negatives out of the way first!!
Still not sleeping, looking and feeling liking a zombie, hypnotherapy puts me sleep at the time but in the day and not at night when i really need it!!! having separate room from David now so I can read or listen to iPod at night. Not good!!!!!
Puffy face, bloaty tummy ..as usual
Fed up with being stuck….

Now for the positives…

Chest infection cleared, bruised ribs settled (can now breath /lie down pain free) and ?food poisoning /tummy bug resolved.

Evan appears much better, had some lovely days together this past week,busy but good. He is looking to move into his new flat in the very near future, just gathering everything together to make a home. At the moment he only has a cooker and washer,so needs everything. Any one having a sort out, upgrade of homely items and looking for new home for old items, they would be most gratefully received by Evan, either as ‘recycling’ or first refusal for purchase.

The renovations are virtually finished, just a few tiny tidying up things to complete then all will be revealed as to our little not so secret, secret!! Another couple of weeks hopefully then we will be going “live”.

My baby plants are thriving well in my greenhouse, i go and talk to them everyday and have a particular favourite jalapeño chili plant called Hal (sad,lonely woman!!!!) defo need to get well and back to work!!!

Despite all, doing my damndest to hang onto my sense of humour!!!

… well my ‘chesty’ thing did not settle or improve very much so I was press ganged into staying to see dr when I went for my INR and sure enough I came way with a script for amoxicillin!!!

Dr did not actually say that I had a chest infection but that “because I am walking a medical tight rope” it would not hurt….I am still doggedly determined that its viral but am doing as I am told and swigging back the pills as dr ordered!!!!!

Sure a good gin or two would be more beneficial!!!!!

Have to admit that this ‘bug’ has been nasty- rendering me more tired, puffy and reluctant to do much at all.

David is currently in Belgium, throwing himself down steep hills on his longboard. I am reassured that the maximum speed possible is only 40-45mph!!!!

My friends are all keeping in touch and looking after me in his absence.

Evan is still not home yet,I miss him terribly and really look forward to my visits with him, especially watching him devour my pizza. When he does come home, I will arrange to have a lovely juicy fillet of beef with all the roast trimmings and his favourite -Yorks’ pud.

David and I are escaping the mess at home (building work) to celebrate our wedding anniversary  a few days early, next weekend. Going back to Browns’ b&b- a big old bath so guess where I’ll be most of the time!!!!!

I am hoping that this hefty thing hasn’t put me on another step down on my ‘journey’ doing less and less is sooooo frustrating, not just the physical aspect but the feeling of ‘cannot be bothered’- NOT me at all. I keep sitting here thinking about what everyone else is doing -living.

I dread the thought of this operation but at the moment cannot hide from the reality of it, knowing that it is my only chance of being allowed to live again.

As if all of this not enough, I discovered this week that because one government agency failed to update another I am now looking at a HUGE tax bill for my ESA -new incapacity benefit. I think I pay more tax now than when I worked!!! I feel utterly robbed through someone else’s error and cannot do anything but pay or ‘go to jail’

Well, now I DO need a gin-but couldn’t afford one if I was allowed!!!!!

Spleen not quite vented, I guess as ‘drowning my sorrows’ is out of the question a good scream would have to suffice….except that I cannot climb a mountain in order to do it!! Haha.

…and now i’m exhausted!
Finally managed to get the garlic planted (had wintered in pots), seedlings coming up beautifully – think the cutest are basil -their first 2 ‘proper’ leaves are tiny tiny curved miniatures…told you i led an exciting life now.

Bit of a cough and wheeze past few days- really noisy at night. David thinks trip to drs required-I don’t!! We’ll see, I think its fluid-put kilos on again!!!!!

Had to fill out epic form for benefits again, I really hate claiming but now `i need more help than ever, don’t go out much at all. David and neighbours fetching /carrying for me- even struggling to walk much at all, using the chair.

Still have not yet packed my hospital bag… no where to put it so it will be a bit of a smash N grab if the call comes !!!

I feel a gin calling…..if only!!!!…..

…congested again!! going to have another ‘bomb’ pill. Beginning to get a little fed up with this game now.To add to that my IV line is ‘bleeding back’ the dizziness is worse on bending,crouching and i’m more puffy.

Fed up with not being able to do things, go out, filling in benefit forms asking ridiculous questions such as “can you press a button on a mobile phone?” or “can you reach to put something into your breast pocket?”. I hate having to claim in the first place, I’d much rather be working without having to find ways of answering these questions with “yes BUT I can’t…”. The one that really makes me laugh is” do you feel frustrated and self conscious..?” Of course I do when I’m struggling to walk about, or talk- going blue or staggering because I am dizzy and having to put up with ill fitting, drafty, clothes  because of my pump.  Worse still the funny looks I get from old people especially for parking in the Blue Badge Bays!!!

Can’t eat or drink what I would like or when I would like, then there is the constant fear of the pain coming on in the most unlikely of situations..do I dare risk an extra mouthful of food? can I have a gin and tonic….BORING BORING I know..

Sorry folks I just needed to vent a little..I don’t think that this weather is helping.

sorry about th typos  (LOL xxx)